“Once I began talking about my own health anxiety and finding others who shared my experiences, I realised that I have nothing to be ashamed of.” – New Community Correspondent Ellen talks about her experience with health anxiety.

Our new Community Correspondent Ellen has written a piece for Mind Waves about her experience of health anxiety.

Her words are below.

I like to think of myself as a fairly rational person – I don’t believe in ghosts, I know the earth is round, and I don’t believe everything I read in the tabloids. And yet, every night I lie awake until the early hours of the morning, utterly convinced that I am dying. Most of the time my self-diagnoses are your run of the mill fatal illnesses: a pulmonary embolism, aneurysm, terminal cancer. Sometimes, my otherwise rational mind decides it is a good idea to utilize everyone’s favourite medical professional, Web MD (not advised), and that’s when things tend to get a bit freakier. Once, I convinced myself that I had a parasite in my brain.

This has been a huge problem for me for nearly 5 years. I am regularly sleep deprived and constantly on high alert for unusual sensations in my body. Any flicker of pain or irregular twitch has the potential to become a fixation, and my body feels like an unfamiliar mass of potential catastrophes. I often wake up the morning feeling like a fog has lifted. I can barely recognise the pacing, weeping, walking nightmare I was the night before. I cannot relate to that girl who couldn’t think straight, one finger on her pulse, the other hand googling:  “what does a heart attack feel like?”

I didn’t tell anyone about my anxiety for a long time. I think I was embarrassed. It took me a couple of years to even realise that what I was experiencing was a manifestation of anxiety, and, it turns out, a pretty common one. Presentations of health anxiety (formerly known as hypochondria) in media are usually a play for laughs, ridiculing sufferers for being paranoid, whiney or neurotic. In reality, it looks different for everyone, and can be incredibly debilitating.

Once I began talking about my own health anxiety and finding others who shared my experiences, I realised that I have nothing to be ashamed of. My embarrassment at what I perceived to be a character flaw is both unfounded and unproductive. Talking to other people has became a positive coping mechanism for me. Knowing that I have people in my life who can talk me down without judgement or dissmissal makes it easier to manage my anxiety when before I felt isolated with my fears. There is so much to be said for a space like Mind Waves, where people can come together and forge a community of acceptance and support. I hope that by talking about my own experience, I can contribute in some small way to reducing the stigma around health anxiety.

 

 

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One Response to “Once I began talking about my own health anxiety and finding others who shared my experiences, I realised that I have nothing to be ashamed of.” – New Community Correspondent Ellen talks about her experience with health anxiety.

  1. Maureen Gilmour July 30, 2021 at 6:29 am #

    Well said Ellen. It’s not until we share with others that we realise we are not alone, that our fears and demons are not rare.
    Having someone who can empathise makes all the difference. Just to have someone with shared experience makes us feel less isolated and alone.
    Welcome to Mindwaves

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